In Mexico with No Luggage and No Hotel

Dear Jen and Tom,

I know the honeymoon is supposed to be one of the most magical times in a marriage, but mine made me rethink my whole relationship.

My newly wed husband usually has everything in order so when he offered to plan the honeymoon, I had no concerns. I did suggest that we book through a travel agent, but he assured me that he travels all the time for business and that planning a vacation wouldn't be nearly as difficult. Based off of our honeymoon, it's hard for me to believe he has a job, and only later did I find out that his company makes all his travel arrangements for him.

We were married on the beautiful Coronado Island in front of all of our friends and family. The ceremony along with the reception was beautiful, more than I could have ever imagined. There were elegant flowers decorating the venue, gourmet food, and incredible sounds coming out of the speakers. I thought this night would be a foreshadowing of our honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, but was I ever wrong.

My husband suggested Puerto Vallarta because he studied abroad in Mexico in college and told me that this location would be ideal. He claimed it would be better than Hawaii, but for half the price. It ended up being the exact opposite.

We flew out of San Diego the morning following our wedding and landed in Puerto Vallarta within a few short hours to find ourselves stuck in the midst of a massive thunderstorm. My husband failed to realize that Mexico does have a rainy season, and that our week long honeymoon stay was planned right in the middle of it.

After we landed, wouldn't you have guessed that our luggage got lost? Well it did. I'm not sure how since it was a direct flight, but the airline said it may have just been left at San Diego Airport. This wouldn't have been a big deal except, when the airline asked where we were staying, my husband revealed that he had not yet booked a hotel room!!!!

This immediately infuriated me. I was shocked. How could he have done something so stupid? He claimed that he wasn't sure which hotel he liked best off of the internet pictures so he wanted to see them all before he booked one. Ugh, had he just consulted a travel agent, they could have given up their valuable insight and secured us a room.

We left the airport with no bags and no hotel, but my husband assured me everything would work itself out by the end of the day. Another misleading statement.

When we went to get in a taxi, my husband who prior to this trip claimed to speak Spanish, had some serious communication issues with the taxi driver. The driver didn't understand my husbands horrible Spanish, and my husband didn't understand anything the driver was saying, including the pricing or routes the driver was suggesting for his services. It took us almost an hour to get from the airport to where the oceanfront hotels are located, and mind you by most other online accounts I read the average ride time was 15 to 20 minutes!

When we got down to the beach, I refused to let my husband make any further plans. I wanted to go with distinguished hotel brands that I knew had a good reputation worldwide. But before I could do that, we had to pay the taxi driver who wanted nearly every single dollar we had on us. It was insane how much this driver ripped us off. Good thing my husband's job doesn't involve negotiations.

There I was, running through the pouring rain and thunder into a well known American owned hotel chain, only to find out that due to a huge Mexican sports industry conference and renovations during the slow rainy season, the hotel had no available rooms for the entire duration of our honeymoon. I was horrified. I ran several blocks down to another hotel I had heard of, same story. Apparently my husband failed to do any adequate research, and as a result there we were in Mexico with no luggage, no hotel, and no real way of getting either.

Don't get me wrong, there were some hotels available, but certainly not any I had planned on spending my honeymoon in. So due to my husbands lack of planning, I spent the first night of my honeymoon in a hostel and went straight back to the airport in the morning. They still had no clue where my bag was, so I decided to cut my losses and get the first flight back home. The only problem with that was that a return ticket home was almost triple of what my round trip ticket there was. The combination of the round trip non negotiable ticket and the one way ticket home was far more expensive than round trip airfare to Hawaii. I didn't care though, I'd sell the China set we just got at the wedding if I had to. I needed to get back home.

Needless to say, my husband and I had limited communication during our travel home, but to my relief when I arrived at the front door I found a notification from FedEx letting me know that they had tried to deliver my luggage. Apparently my husband with his “expert Spanish skills” from studying abroad in college misread the lost luggage form and requested that the luggage be sent to our house in California instead of the airport in Puerto Vallarta. I was angry, but at this point I was just relieved to know someone had my personal belongings.

From now on, it's safe to say I'll leave booking arrangements to the professionals.

Sincerely,

Brenda Walters

Paradise at the British Virgin Islands

Dear Jen and Tom,

I just wanted to stop by and drop a line about how wonderful our honeymoon we booked with AskAboutTravel to the British Virgin Islands was.

I'm a 25 year old artist living in New York. Recently I was married to my fiancee of 3 years, a 29 year old TV executive whom I met at charity event for ocean wildlife. Both of us have a deep passion for the exotic wonders of the ocean, but living and working in the Big Apple seriously restricts our access to the things which we treasure.

After we became engaged, we both agreed that our honeymoon would be best spent in a place where we could enjoy the things which first brought us together; the ocean. Since New York is just a hop skip and a jump away from the Bahamas, we wanted a place that was a little more lush and not as common as Nassau. Meanwhile, we also didn't want to lose an entire day of our honeymoon traveling across the country to Hawaii. At this stage in our lives, our careers just wont warrant that kind of time off.

After looking for what seemed like days through all sorts of “do it yourself” trip planners, my wife suggested that we leave the stressful planning to the professionals. We inquired with one of your incredibly helpful staff professionals who after hearing our situation persuaded us to stay within the Caribbean, but just to go a little bit further. We ended up locking down a reservation on the luscious island of St. Thomas, where we lived like royalty amongst some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen.

We booked 5 nights at the Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort & Spa, where the staff and resort accommodations made sure that this honeymoon was an unforgettable experience. Our room had its' own private balcony that looked out over a white sandy beach, backdropped with extravagantly green hillsides; both of which were encompassed by some of the purest water I've ever seen in my entire life.

When we first arrived to the resort, our room had a tray chocolate covered strawberries and a bottle of champagne on ice already waiting for us. We spent the remainder of the first day just lounging around the room, enjoying the amenities of our hotel. The hotel's private beaches and restaurant selection really took me aback. Living in New York City, we're often exposed to fine dining; but the resort's prepared cuisine would make even the ruling elite of Manhattan's kitchens cringing with envy.

We spent the next couple days relaxing and taking in some of the islands best activities. Both of us booked a SCUBA trip which was unbelievably beautiful. The wildlife along with the reefs we saw were so colorful and pristine. The water itself was also crystal clear; the best visibility either of us have experienced in our ten years of scuba diving. It was definitely one of the highlights of the trip.

The rest of our great stay in the British Virgin Islands was elegant and tranquil. Everyday we slept in, and had a wonderful brunch later in the morning. One day I took my wife golfing since she has been begging me to teach her. The course and greens were magnificently kept which she didn't appreciate nearly as much as I did. However, she did appreciate the beautiful scenery surrounding the course, so it was a win win for everyone.

Other days we decided to go into town and check out some shopping. Obviously this was more of my wife's idea, but to my surprise I actually enjoyed some of the shops and sights we came across. They had a great selection of apparel and other items for men that I wasn't expecting.

We also spent several days just lounging around the luxurious and ornate resort. They offered the best couples massage packages, something you must recommend to anyone else you send to that little snippet of heaven.

All in all, it was one of the best trips I have ever taken. The flights were flawless and the island offered a little bit of everything. Thanks again for all your help. Next time I'm headed out on a vacation I'll be sure that AskAboutTravel sets me up with another slice of paradise.

Sincerely,

Tom Bauster

If only I'd known

Dear Jen and Tom,

My husband and I just had our honeymoon in Los Cabos, Mexico at the beautiful Pueblo Bonito Pacifica Resort and Spa. The trip was absolutely wonderful and exactly what we wanted, a quiet and relaxing retreat where we could both pamper ourselves and each other. The Pacifica is the first and only wellness-oriented resort exclusively for adults in Los Cabos and we were really able to escape into utter tranquility and relaxation. The entire ambience of the resort made us feel so relaxed and made our honeymoon flawless and unforgettable, exactly what we wanted. What was even better was the helpful and attentive staff. Mariana, the front desk receptionist, welcomed us with a warm greeting and offered us something to drink when we checked in because it was pretty hot out, but I'm sure they'd do that even if it wasn't hot out. The heart of our trip was wonderful and we couldn't have asked for more, the horror comes when it was time to go home... I felt like Dorothy clicking her glittery red shoes "there's no place like home."

As a married couple you're supposed to be a team right? What happens when your team member doesn't do his homework and the whole team suffers? That makes for a very unhappy wife and when the wife's unhappy, everyone is unhappy. My husband, Jimmy and I split up the work into planning our honeymoon. I was a bit reluctant at first, considering his lack of attention to detail. I researched Los Cabos and the different resorts and he was in charge of booking the flights. I did my homework and made sure that Pueblo Bonito was the resort for us. My husband's number one concern was saving money. Sure, I kept our budget in mind but didn't want to be so frugal, it was our honeymoon after all. He spent about 20 minutes researching and booking our flight while I spent a good week and a half researching different resorts. He sure put in a lot of time didn't he? Connecting flights were substantially cheaper than non-stop flights and my husband jumped on the savings and booked us for a flight from Seattle to San Francisco to Los Cabos. It never occurred to him how much of a hassle connections could be and by the time he told me, it was too late to change our flight. Booking a non-stop flight would have saved us time and trouble and we wouldn't have been stuck at SFO for 9 hours. Maybe my team member should have been a travel agent instead of Jimmy.

Our flights to Los Cabos were fine, granted the layover was a little bit annoying but really it wasn't bad at all, only about an hour and a half and then we were off to Los Cabos. We flew from Seattle Washington and then made a stop in San Francisco. Smooth, easy transition. Our journey home from our heavenly honeymoon, however, was not so smooth. Our flight out of Los Cabos was at 8:55am so we made sure to be at the airport by 6:55am to check in and all that fun stuff. Well we got there and the people at the airline told us that the flight coming into Los Cabos that was going to fly us to SFO was late and in effect was going to make us miss our connecting flight. Our flight in San Francisco was supposed to be at 11:46am and we were supposed to be back home in Seattle by 2:00pm. Turns out all the flights in San Francisco after our 11:46 flight were completely booked until 9:00pm! We had to sit at SFO for 9 hours. We were put on standby for all the flights but had no luck getting on. We both finished our books we brought for the flight. We walked all over the airport, skimmed through magazines, ate and dozed off a few times. This was not the way I wanted to end my heavenly honeymoon. We ended up getting home pretty late and I had work bright and early the next morning so lets just say I was a tiny bit fatigued. Sure, the connecting flights saved us money but cost us quite a headache in the end. If only I'd known.

Sincerely,
Cindy and Jimmy

Plan Your Perfect Honeymoon

Let's face it, planning the perfect honeymoon is a daunting task. You know you want it to be unforgettable and you know that regardless of the time and destination, you want to look back on those few memorable days and think that was our first vacation together!
But the question is....how do you plan it? where do you even start to look? what kind of honeymoon do you want to plan? Romantic, relaxing, adventurous, tropical, to eco-friendly honeymoons, we've got it all and can plan it all!

If you've read the honeymoon stories from this site, you'll quickly realize that planning a wedding on your own could yield some unexpected and horrific honeymoon experiences. So please, do yourself a favor. Prevent these horror stories from happening to you and put your honeymoon planning in our hands. And don't count on speaking to some impersonal automated voice because we are actual people who will speak to you directly.

Visit our site at www.AskAboutHoneymoons.com
1.800.571.4510
info@askabouthoneymoons.com

Honeymoon from Hell

My Marriage Fell Apart...on Our Honeymoon!

We'd heard the first year of marriage was the hardest, but would we even make it that far?

My husband and I split up during our honeymoon. I explained the situation to friends and family by saying that we were separating "geographically." But as I barreled through the night on a 16-hour bus ride from Mendoza, Argentina, to Buenos Aires, quietly sobbing at the small screen playing 50 First Dates dubbed in Spanish, I knew there was more than geography between us. Three months into our honeymoon, our marriage was falling apart.

A year earlier when David had proposed, we'd already decided to take a four-month backpacking trip through South America. Combining our wedding, the trip, and a ski-bum season in Colorado allowed us to knock off three postgrad goals in one shot. Of course, I'd heard that the first year of marriage was the hardest, but hiking in the Andes and sipping Pisco sours on the rugged coast would make it easier, I figured. What I failed to consider were the challenges of spending 24 hours together, sticking to a tight budget, trying to stay cute in a steady rotation of three outfits, and sleeping in eight-bed hostel rooms with drunken Irish boys whose idea of entertainment meant dumping potted plants onto sleeping fellow guests.

A week after our wedding, we left for Ecuador. We traveled by bus and train and in the back of pickup trucks. One day we'd go into the jungle, and the next night we'd sleep in a cave. On the coast, we volunteered on an organic farm, waking up at 5 a.m. to help shovel manure. When it was dark, David would guard me at the outhouse, which was overrun with spiders the size of salad plates. Still, night after night in our tree-house bunk, one of us would alternately convince the other to stay and shovel pig shit for just one more day.

We made a few friends, but for the most part, we were decidedly uncool with the hostel crowd. Our fellow backpackers liked to ask, "You're married? Why?" After too many forced dinner conversations and overly competitive pool games, I wondered if they were on to something. If, in a tense moment, David were asked to describe our travel styles, he might have said that he's high-energy, active, and adventurous, while I'm slothlike and gluttonous. Posed the same question, I would say that I'm relaxed and easygoing and like to learn about a town by sitting in its cafés, while David races around from place to place, fulfilling his puritanical need to be productive.

With no break from each other's company, petty annoyances built, as when David, a teacher, would condescendingly commend my vocabulary. For example:

Me: "The door is ajar."

Him: "Good word."

After a day spent lazing at a luxury hotel, I made a comment about some ostentatious guests. "Are you sure that's the word you're looking for?" David asked. I wondered how I'd landed in the infuriating situation of defending my intellect to my dense pedant of a husband.

Standing at the base of Machu Picchu, I introduced the idea of spending some time apart. We started by splitting in the morning and meeting back up in the evening. Alone, I would have coffee and check out dinner spots, during which time David probably jogged the Inca trail and organized an ESL class. When he suggested going south after visiting Argentina's wine country, I said I would head north instead. Climbing onto the bus to Buenos Aires and leaving him behind was sad and surreal.

At my new hostel in B.A., I quickly met a cute South African playwright, and we partnered up to see the city. But he was nervous about taking the right train, unsure of our surroundings, and prone to getting lost on the slanted city streets, so I ditched him, relieved to realize that I wanted to be alone, not just apart from David. I settled into the rhythm of the city, moving into a hostel in Palermo Hollywood, finding a yoga class, and going out with friends of friends. Just as my weeks in B.A. started to feel less like travel and more like unemployment, David arrived.

We jumped all over each other when his taxi pulled up, and spent the night catching up in a little bar off the cobblestoned streets of San Telmo. But a day later, we were at odds again. We had been grossly overcharged to eat bad pizza, drink watery beer, and watch a junior soccer game. I thought the day was awful; he thought I was awful for complaining. Sitting in a dark pub that night, we had nothing to say even though we had weeks' worth of stories stored up. I cautiously broached whether we'd made a mistake in getting married. We'd been drawn so strongly to each other for the three years before we got married, but since the start of the trip, we hadn't been our best selves together. I was barely hiding my tears from the bartender. "It'll work itself out," I said.

"It won't work itself out," David replied flatly.

With a week left until our return flight, we decided to get one last country under our belts. We headed up the coast to Uruguay and settled in a sleepy fishing village, checking into a perfect little cabana a few steps from the beach. We walked miles of undeveloped beach, past fishing shacks decorated with old buoys, cooked meals with seafood straight off the boats, and didn't encounter another English speaker for the entire week. After months of crossing borders on packed buses, sleeping in crowded dorm rooms, and trying to figure out where we fit in among our inevitably single fellow backpackers, we were truly alone for the first time. And for the first time, we felt like a married couple.

When we returned home to Chicago with all of those memories from our months abroad, my favorite one was this: the day on the beach when we learned that if you can weather a rough patch, you will come out closer than ever. Since then, we've set a perfect daily routine for ourselves: I have a 9-to-5 publishing job and writing projects that let me sit quietly and get absorbed in a subject; David has a classroom full of students grateful for his energy and vocabulary. Two years into our marriage, I'm looking forward to a lifetime of living with him. And traveling with my sister.

-Article by Liz Fischer via www.marieclaire.com

Booze Cruise = Bad Cruise?

Dear Jen and Tom,

Last week my husband and I went on a cruise to Mexico for our honeymoon. Our destination itinerary included: Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas. Little had we known that many college students would be on spring break at the same time. During our week of vacation, there would be crazy drunk kids running around screaming in the middle of the night for 7 days. This was absolutely unbearable and it was just our luck that we somehow got stuck on the floor where they were all living. One time, we had even witnessed two guys “play fighting” in their boxers in the hallway. This was way too much for me to handle, so we decided to try and have our room switched. We went to guest services and they tried to switch our rooms but there were no more rooms available left in our category and the only way we could switch was to a presidential suite and it would cost way too much out of our budget, so we decided to stick with it. They promised they would speak to the guests that were misbehaving and give them warnings. That didn’t help much since they had so many rooms; they just kept moving from room to room. This was a complete nightmare.

When we finally got to port, we were so relieved to finally be at peace but we were wrong. They seemed to have followed us everywhere we went, or so we thought. There were spring breakers at every port causing a ruckus. We wish we had booked it through a travel agency and had the advice given to us about the timing and destination of our choice. We obviously did poor planning and our ignorance of the travel industry brought our honeymoon to the gutter. Next time, we will most definitely go to a travel agent to help us choose a more romantic way to re-do our honeymoon.

Sincerely,

Annie and Zack

Seattle, WA

A List of Unfortunate Events

Dear Jen and Tom,

My husband and I had just recently taken a tour of China and the surrounding areas for our honeymoon. Since I am the type of person who likes to do everything on my own I decided to plan the whole trip. I booked the plane tickets and all the hotels via the internet. Needless to say, I wish I just done it through a travel agency to coordinate all of our transfers to and from the airports, the land tours and to deal with all of our unfortunate events.

We first flew into Hong Kong which is an amazing city but our luggage had not made it to our destination. It was still stuck in the states and needed another day to get here since it took us 22 hours to arrive to Hong Kong. We check-in to our hotel and the hotel is decent but a little small. We reserved a room with 1 king-sized bed and got a bed smaller than a queen but not yet a full. We go to the front desk and try to explain to them what happened and they said they couldn’t do anything for us. We find out later that is what they call a king-sized bed. My husband is a large man and that first night of sleep was awful, uncomfortable and not so much fun for us as newly weds.

The next day comes and we’re off to the mainland without our suitcases. They promised to get our luggage to our next destination so we had to deal with what we had as carry-ons. (The people in China are small and don’t carry very large clothing). The transfer that we had arranged ended up being this petite truck with no seat belts. It had holes in the seats, cigarette burns all over and smelt like a dead skunk. The ride was 3 hours and I wanted to vomit from the condition the car was in and the way the driver was driving. Red apparently doesn’t mean stop, it’s just a suggestion. At least we got our luggage there.

We stayed in a city called Guang Zhou for 2 nights and witnessed the most indecent thing happening in our hotel. Witnessing this had definitely threw me off and made me want to switch hotels; if I had an extra night. I was so happy to leave the next day to Shanghai. That was probably the best part of my trip. After Shanghai we went to Beijing where people at the hotel were rude and unwelcoming. Hailing a taxi and having it take you to where you wanted was by far the hardest thing to do. Taxi drivers would pretend not to know where our destination was if they didn’t want to take you there. How could you not know where the most touristy destinations are? Not to mention traffic was absolutely ridiculous and the subways smelled like rotten bananas. We ended up walking a lot and this time of the year is beyond freezing. It was so cold I wore 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts on top of all my outerwear. We took a tour to the Great Wall and the tour bus driver got lost for an extra 2 hours.

I was completely over our honeymoon and just wanted to return to the United States. We tried to switch our plane tickets for an earlier flight out but didn’t succeed because of the fare differences. They wanted us to pay an extra $1,000 each. We felt like we were being held captive on our own honeymoon.

Best Regards,

Sandy and Mike

Boston, Ma

A Perfect Cruise for a Perfect Honeymoon

Dear Jen and Tom,


My husband and I just returned from our incredible honeymoon at a cruise across the Mediterranean. We booked the trip through a travel agent who did all of the research and made a great decision by picking this cruise line.


The ship was amazing, with more large, open space than I ever imagined was possible. In addition to the twelve restaurants, there was a library, reading room, two game/card rooms, conference facilities, a 300 person movie theater and the enormous Stardust Theater that hosts a variety of short musical and dance productions each night. It was gorgeous and must have seated 800 people!


One of the things we most enjoyed about being on the ship was that every single meal was prepared by their pleasant crew. Surrounded by rather chic restaurants offering cuisine ranging from sushi and teppanyaki to Tex-Mex and a steak hous,e we actually ate almost all of our meals at the Garden Cafe buffet. But the buffet was better than you may think: mornings included cooked-to-order omelets, fresh waffles, and a wide variety of traditional breakfast foods. I typically eat oatmeal and fruit, both available each and every morning.

The cruise staff was excellent, especially Darren and Jenny from the bar - excellent company if you fancy a laugh and a few stories about European life!


Our honeymoon cruise was perfect: Fine dining, all kinds of delightful entertainment...I couldn't have asked for anything more. It was truly romantic and memorable in so many ways that we're already trying to figure out when we can go back!


Warmest Regards,

Betty and Dave

Savannah, GA

Lost Luggage Nightmare

Dear Jen and Tom,

Just recently my husband and I went on a summer cruise through Europe for our honeymoon. We both even got second jobs and worked really hard to save enough money for this momentous trip! And since we consider ourselves pretty savvy experts on the internet, we arranged and booked our honeymoon by ourselves instead of with a travel agent.

Having never been out of state, we were thrilled! However, once we landed in Barcelona our feelings of excitement quickly switched to helplessness as our luggage had not arrived. I was wearing jeans and a "Just Married" tank and my husband John was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Mind you, John is 6' 8" with size 14 feet and we could not find anything that fit him! It was a nightmare!

I am not a shopper so finding clothes was needless to say not fun for me. Instead of day excursions, we spent our days off of the boat looking for and buying what we could. On top of our bad luck, shops in the port towns seemed to only cater to tourism and sold mainly bathing suits and wraps. At this point, I was losing hope and even had dreams of my luggage magically appearing before me.

The worst part was that every morning, we would have to wait in our bathrobes so that our clothes (or lack there of) could be laundered. Everyday, we were told that our luggage would be at the next port town so we would frequently check our email to track them (which ended up being another large bill). Not to our surprise, they were never there!

On top of everything, we had no camera to document our trip since it was in our suitcases. The food was lousy, and my husband was bitten by bed-bugs and ultimately got sick when we got home with something called herpangina.

(Herpangina comes from fecal to oral contact.) I'm sorry if that was too much information, but I guess the maintenance staff must have been sleeping on the job. We didn’t even discover the bed bug bites until after we left the resort. It makes me itchy just thinking about the nights we spent on that bad. Gross!

Overall, We did try to make the best out of a VERY bad situation, but nothing will ever bring back our honeymoon! Maybe we can do honeymoon #2 but this time maybe we'll consider using a travel agent that knows what they're booking.

Sincerely,

Rebecca and John

Portland, OR

Befriending Strangers in Customs.

Dear Jen & Tom,

We went to Costa Rica expecting a relaxing honeymoon on the beautiful beaches. What we didn’t expect was the crazy adventure that actually happened. On the first day of our trip, we were invited by the cousin of a guy we met in the line at customs to go into a beautiful area of Costa Rica to visit some of the friends of his friend. It must have been the jet lag, because wandering off into the jungle to meet the friends of a friend of a cousin of a guy we just met sounded like a great idea.

At 5 am, Estefan and Dominga (the cousin and his wife) picked us up at our hotel the next morning. They were armed with machetes. Being in the jungle of Costa Rica, we weren’t phased when strangers came to pick us up wielding giant weapons. We stopped for breakfast at a little café around the entrance to the Braulio Carillo National Park. The views were amazing, but hard to enjoy when our hosts announced that “every day is a holiday” and chugged down four shots of guaro each…at 6:30 in the morning! Estefan brushed off our concerns by saying he would drive slowly, but we managed to wrestle the keys away from him.

The next stop was Guacimo, where they suggested we walk around and take in the sights while they “talked to some guys.” We wanted to follow them because the sights were not very promising but they were strangely persistent. We returned to the car just in time to see them stuff a old duffel bag in the trunk…..immediately we knew we were in the middle of a drug deal!!

It just got more disconcerting when they turned off the highway after Guacimo onto a tiny track through what seemed to be an endless banana plantation. We finally came to a river where a big man with a hollowed out canoe was waiting for us.

While thoughts of escape were racing through our heads, we followed Estefan’s and Dominga’s drunken tropical singing into the canoe. The big man exchanged greetings with the drunken drug dealers along with the suggestion they should sober up. As fans of Weeds, we knew that one should maintain their wits while carrying large amounts of drugs.

This became ever so present as Estefan accidentally fell on the duffle bag crushing…..our lunch? So it looks like we weren’t in the middle of a drug deal anyways. We had a fantastic lunch at the base of this amazing waterfall and made some great new friends. We won’t be forgetting Costa Rica anytime soon.

Love,
Jason & Bette

Dear Jason & Bette,

Somebody has been watching a little too much television. But have you seen 20/20? Bad things often befall people who get in cars with strangers. Props to you both for taking a chance and having a great adventure!

Love,
Jen & Tom

Beware of Wild Fruits

Dear Jen & Tom,
My wife and I just got back from an amazing honeymoon in Costa Rica. It was great but I can’t show off any of the pictures of me from the trip because I had a huge blister on my upper lip that looked like a herpes cold sore!!! I don’t have the virus, so I was a bit perplexed as to why it developed.

When Sue (my wife) and I were visiting the research station in Santa Rosa National Park, a biologist helped shed light on the matter. We were discussing rainforest fruits and I remembered eating a wild cashew.

The first day, Sue and I decided to bike from Naranjo to Santa Teresa. On the way, I spotted a cashew fruit. I had seen pictures of it before and I was taken by its unusual shap: egg sized smooth skinned orange lobe with what looks like a cashew nut sewn up in a dirty wrinkled leather pouch at the end. I picked one and wanted to break the leathery pouch to get to the nut….but it wouldn’t open! So, I decided to tear through the skin with my teeth, only to feel a searing pain on my lips and gums.

The biologist laughed at my story and told me I had bitten the wrong end. I should have eaten the warm orange fruit. The plant’s survival depends on the dispersal of the seed (in the leathery part). Therefore it is designed so animals to eat the fruit, then discard the seed. To make sure the animals don’t eat the seed, the leathery portion is coated in a cyanide solution!!! I was lucky just to get away with my blister!!

--Richard M.
Londonderry, NH

Dear Richard,
It sounds like someone never got past the oral stage of development. Do you always put everything in your mouth? But even a 2 year old would have realized the fleshy orange fruit was more appetizing than the seed!!! Actually, it doesn’t require human intelligence….a monkey knows the difference!! Next time, refrain from eating wild fruits in nature.

I’m glad you and your wife had an enjoyable stay in Costa Rica.

Love, Jen and Tom

Drunk in Ireland

Dear Jen and Tom,
Before our honeymoon my fiancé surprised me with a long weekend in Ireland. I am about a third Irish, but have never been. We were actually considering going for our honeymoon, but decided somewhere warm and on a beach would be a bit more romantic. I was so excited to go to a real Irish Pub! As soon as we got settled in at the Inn we headed over to a local Pub the girl at the desk suggested. It was only about a block away so we headed out. When we arrived, it was a very interesting crowd. Everyone was very nice, and VERY DRUNK! I couldn’t believe it. One drunk guy was hitting on me, but to my fiancé. He kept telling him how lucky he was, etc, etc. What I thought was going to be a romantic night out turned into a comedy skit of local Irish men. It was actually pretty funny and no one was offensive, but we were naive Americans in a roaring Irish Pub. We spent the remainder of the weekend in our suite and in the Inn’s garden. I'm not complaining though! Next time we’ll have to stick with the touristier route!

Best Wishes,
Fallon, Boston, MA

Teen-age Debungle in Italy

Dear Jen and Tom,
I decided to have a destination wedding in Italy. It is my second wedding, and John and I have 3 kids between the two of us. We only invited our close friends and family since we both are older and come from small families. His oldest child is 16 so we decided to allow her best friend, who is very close with our family to come along. The two of the girls went on a shopping excursion, only a few blocks from us, so they could feel like adults. Well there is a reason 16 year-olds are not adults yet. They were “just talking” to two, gorgeous Italian boys, and somehow misplaced their wallets and passports. I was furious, and terrified. I was scared that they were going to be kept in captivity or something barbaric of the sort until we could prove who they were. Luckily it was only a very big headache later before my hubby got everything settled and the girls were allowed to come home with us, all on the same plane. We did have to push the flights back, but that is nothing compared to what I had going on in my head!

Lots of Love,
Cynthia from Nevada

Dressing Sexy for the In-Laws

Dear Jen and Tom,
This isn’t horrific, unless you count family humiliation as a nation crisis! I am a very outgoing and opinionated woman, but only once you get to know me. My husband is from Texas but we live in Oregon so we don’t get to see his folks that often. This being said you can already assume that meeting the parents was a huge deal for me and I was my shy and awkward self the entire time. I still am now that I think of it. The specific moment I am thinking of is my wedding shower. My now mother-in-law got us the typical dinner china. She even went to the trouble to send me a scented candle and relaxing bath salts. However, at the bottom of the bag, I thought it was a silky bathrobe, however when I pulled it out in front of all of my family and friends I saw she got me VERY INTIMATE lingerie. How awful! It was an extra large, I wear medium! I was horrified! I didn’t know if it was serious or a bad joke. I still can’t get over the fact that a stranger, whether or not I was about to marry her son, got me such a humiliating present!

Better luck to you,
Julie, Portland OR

Ahhh--Chuuu

Dear Jen and Tom,
I have severe indoor allergies but hate taking medication. I do take medication when I need it, but I keep my home pretty tidy so it’s not that much of a hassle when I’m at home. My husband calls me a neat freak, but it’s more cleanliness I prefer. He would probably just die if he knew I was complaining about this, but this is truly a disaster story. On our honeymoon we went to the Swiss Alps. We stayed in a cozy little private cottage and we even went skiing on some smaller mountains most of the days of our trip. However, cottage is a word we typically associate with sweet, this however was not. It was so dusty and dirty I had a sneezing attack. The first night in my husband had to run out and get me some medication. It knocked me right out and he was left alone to watch the fire for hours until he could sleep! So much for romance! I had to request a cleaning crew to come in and totally de-allergen the entire place! It was horrible and I felt a little ridiculous but there was no way I could have survived that!

Love Always,
Cynthia, CO

Spring Break Clash

Dear Jen and Tom,

My husband and I thought we had the perfect honeymoon planned: beachside service, unlimited margaritas, privacy, you name it! We were so excited to finally be able to indulge and relax (it had been a while since we were last able to do so with the years of saving and planning). When we saw a friend’s picture from her vacation in Cancun, we were sold. The beautiful beaches, warm weather, and nice hotel seemed ideal for what we wanted. While we were greeted by the mariachi band and given our ‘welcome’ margaritas, so were the hundreds of college kids that had come for their spring break!

We decided to give it a chance. We went straight to the beach hoping to unwind and recuperate, but the beach looked like Times Square at New Years. Not only were the private cabanas booked for the whole week; there was barely room for our 2 towels on the hotels entire beach. There were Wet T-shirt Contests to my left, Beer Pong Tournaments to my right; it was honestly straight out of “Girls Gone Wild”. Being trampled by drunken college kids, getting alcohol thrown all over us, and having to watch a nearly unconscious girl puke into the hotel Jacuzzi was NOT the romantic honeymoon activities we envisioned. It was impossible to escape the debauchery!!

We decided to explore the city, in hopes of leaving the madness behind. We found a cute little traditional restaurant, off the beaten path, where we ran into another set of newlyweds. We shared our honeymoon nightmare with them. They rambled how wonderful and relaxing their resort was; and without a second thought we knew we had to make the switch! The moment we stepped into the Hacienda Tres Rios Resort, our trip took a 180. This resort was ideal for the perfect honeymoon; full of fun and romance. Our romantic activities NOW consisted of Jacuzzi baths surrounded by fresh flower petals and moonlight massages.

Although the trip ended on a high note, next time we won’t be so quick to jump the gun!

-Cathy G.
Butte, Montana

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Valentine's Day Memories

Dear Jen and Tom,
I've been thinking about Valentine’s Day recently because that’s all you see everywhere for the two weeks leading up to the 14th. I can’t help but giggle to myself every now and again when I see romance this time of the year. When my husband and I first got together, we were in Florida for grad school. He took me to the beach and tried to write I love you in the sand. But he wrote it too low and the tide had washed most of it off by the time we walked down. I made a joke at the “poor sap” who wrote that for his girlfriend or wife, not knowing it was meant for me. It was the first time we would have said the L word, taking the relationship to the next level. He was so nervous the rest of the night because he didn’t know how else he was going to tell me, or even if he should. I had helped him make a picnic, but he slipped in a love note when I wasn’t looking. It was sweet and revealed much of his heart. Each Valentine’s Day since, I take it out and read it during dinner. After dinner on the freezing beach, we walked back to the car. I don’t know how he did it but my present was sitting on my seat when I got back! I unwrapped it right there. Inside was a monkey wearing a collar. Charles calls me his little monkey. He wasn’t trying to say I'm on a tight leash now with the monkey’s collar. He was trying to say “I love you.” The collar was a gorgeous silver and diamond bracelet. He had the back engraved “Happy Valentine’s Day My Love.” Of course like any giddy school girl I had to question the “my love.” He then nervously told me that he loved me, right there in the beach parking lot. We now live in Colorado; each year we fly down to Florida for a couple of days right around Valentine’s Day to commemorate the cement where our love began.

With Love,
Abby

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Cruise Gone Bad, Bad, Worse

Dear Jen and Tom,

You are never going to believe what happened two years ago on our honeymoon. My husband Joe and I decided to take a cruise for 8 days after the wedding. We didn't know much about cruises but our friends gave us some tips and we landed on going around Africa. We had high but few expectations. Now, don't get me wrong, we did have an amazing time being together, however, from the booking to the unpacking and doing laundry once home again, everything was a disaster. Joe, being the accountant that he is, always likes to get the best deal he possibly can. So he decided to go on random websites for hours each night finding the "perfect" cruise. I didn't find out about his extensive search until recently. 

We got to the air port around 5 AM the morning after the wedding and conveniently our flight was over booked, which led to four hours of a little girl's stories, who was flying to visit daddy because mommy kicked him out (Great way to start a marriage, right?) Once we arrived on the ship we felt invincible. However, it didn't really look how we felt. I was fairly old and made creaking noises. I make jokes that I felt like I was on a pirate ship, not an elegant cruise. But I couldn't tell Joe because he was so proud of his great deal. Well the first night went smoothly, for a gigantic pirate ship. Then the bickering began. Fighting when we woke up, until deep into the night. It kept us up the majority of the cruise. We couldn't escape it; not at dinner, not at the pool, not even in the spa when we were apart. I'm not talking about Joe and I fighting. I'm talking about the others on this miserable divorcee cruise. It was horrible. Terrible. All the couples seemed to be seconds away from a divorce. The only thing Joe and I had were each other. The cruise was a complete mismatch. I felt like I was trapped in a bad comedy. 

But the misery didn't stop there. Joe could see I was miserable so he tried to spice things up. He got me a stuffed dog, dark chocolates, and some gorgeous flowers from the pitiful cruise souvenir shop. Then the old boat hit a wave and everything Joe had just bought me went, down, down, down. As I glanced over the side of the ship all I could see was the tiny dark pieces of happiness soak into the ocean. It was a small event, cheap chocolates, but to me it was the end of the world.

This next part is the icing on the cake. Wouldn't you know, as soon as all Joe's hard work hit the water, Mr. Rosengardner came stumbling up to me. He tried to put the moves on me, for the fifth time, completely ignoring the ring on my finger and the man on my arm. He spilt his gin and tonic all over my blouse. Then, of course, tried the oldest trick in the book- tried to pat me dry. Oh I wish you could have seen the look on Joe's face right before he clocked that old son of gun. All I remember next was a lot of pointing and more yelling. At the next port we were asked to leave the cruise. 

So, there we were, stuck in Africa with no hotel no idea what we were going to do. Luckily we found a nice hotel and settled down for the night. We found out the nearest airport was 28 miles away. This would be no problem if we were in southern California, or even anywhere that uses something other than donkey for travel. Can you imagine riding a donkey for 28 miles on your honeymoon? OUTRAGOUS! The bumps and smells were a close second and third favorite right after the pesky bugs. Needless to say, this June when we renew vows I did the research this time and came across AskAboutTravel. My travel agent, Amie was so helpful and I am completely confident that this time it will not end in a donkey ride to the airport.  

Love, 

Allison and Derek

Seattle, WA

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Relying on the Family "Travel Experts"

Dear Jen and Tom,

We were on our way to Maui for our honeymoon and on the flight out there we met this other couple on an anniversary trip. It turned out we had a lot in common we were both from a small town in Southern California called Temecula and both met our spouses at the Lake Elsinore Moto-X track. We also both had reservations at the Hyatt Regency Maui.

We got off the plane then went over to the baggage claim to pick up our matching Skin Industries duffle bags then headed over to the

Budget car rental stand to pick up our Ford F-150 because we heard Maui had some killer sand dunes. Apparently they had lost our reservation and were all out of other vehicles and had no way to get our hotel. But luckily a few minutes later our friends we just met from Temecula walked up to the counter and within minutes were given the keys to an F-150 that they had reserved through a travel agent.

We told them of our situation and they offered us a ride to the hotel but unfortunately we had to sit in the bed of the truck since the cab was only a two-seater. To make matters worse they got a little homesick and decided to take a dirt road for a portion of the trip to the hotel. When we got to the hotel our friends were checked in right away and got a gift basket that included embroidered BMX gloves from their travel agent who also got them a surprise room upgrade. We walked into the luxurious hotel covered in more dirt than a windy day in the 909. The staff looked at our appearance and immediately called security. It took nearly an hour for them to believe what had happened and that we were actually guests at the hotel. I should have listened to my bro D-Skillit and just used a travel agent."

Signed

Matt in Perris, CA

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When Sasquatch Attacks

Dear Jen and Tom,
We were honeymooning up in the Seattle area and out on a nature picnic. It was a beautiful day (one of the two days a year it doesn't rain in Seattle) and we hadpacked my favorite lunch, Taco Bell and a bottle of $2 wine from Trader Joe's. We found a nice little grassy knoll on which to sit and enjoy our delicious meal. We finished our food and continued drinking our wine. About the time we polished off the bottle we heard rustling in the shrubbery nearby.

Next thing we know we were starring down a huge creature. I just happened to loose a contact and couldn't quite make out what it was. From what I could make out it seemed to be a very large bear-like woodland creature. My husband jumped to the rescue and throws the empty bottle of wine at what we now figured was either a grizzly bear or Sasquatch himself.

My husband has never been a very skilled athlete so his throw was completely off line and managed to strike me in the back of the head. The next thing I know I was waking up back at the hotel with an icepack on my head reading a note from my husband saying he was at the post office sending the tape into 'When Animals Attack!'"

Sincerely,
Melissa in Scranton, PA

Honeymoons advice # 4592: Avoid Sasquatch on romantic picnics.

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