A Perfect Cruise for a Perfect Honeymoon

Dear Jen and Tom,


My husband and I just returned from our incredible honeymoon at a cruise across the Mediterranean. We booked the trip through a travel agent who did all of the research and made a great decision by picking this cruise line.


The ship was amazing, with more large, open space than I ever imagined was possible. In addition to the twelve restaurants, there was a library, reading room, two game/card rooms, conference facilities, a 300 person movie theater and the enormous Stardust Theater that hosts a variety of short musical and dance productions each night. It was gorgeous and must have seated 800 people!


One of the things we most enjoyed about being on the ship was that every single meal was prepared by their pleasant crew. Surrounded by rather chic restaurants offering cuisine ranging from sushi and teppanyaki to Tex-Mex and a steak hous,e we actually ate almost all of our meals at the Garden Cafe buffet. But the buffet was better than you may think: mornings included cooked-to-order omelets, fresh waffles, and a wide variety of traditional breakfast foods. I typically eat oatmeal and fruit, both available each and every morning.

The cruise staff was excellent, especially Darren and Jenny from the bar - excellent company if you fancy a laugh and a few stories about European life!


Our honeymoon cruise was perfect: Fine dining, all kinds of delightful entertainment...I couldn't have asked for anything more. It was truly romantic and memorable in so many ways that we're already trying to figure out when we can go back!


Warmest Regards,

Betty and Dave

Savannah, GA

Lost Luggage Nightmare

Dear Jen and Tom,

Just recently my husband and I went on a summer cruise through Europe for our honeymoon. We both even got second jobs and worked really hard to save enough money for this momentous trip! And since we consider ourselves pretty savvy experts on the internet, we arranged and booked our honeymoon by ourselves instead of with a travel agent.

Having never been out of state, we were thrilled! However, once we landed in Barcelona our feelings of excitement quickly switched to helplessness as our luggage had not arrived. I was wearing jeans and a "Just Married" tank and my husband John was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Mind you, John is 6' 8" with size 14 feet and we could not find anything that fit him! It was a nightmare!

I am not a shopper so finding clothes was needless to say not fun for me. Instead of day excursions, we spent our days off of the boat looking for and buying what we could. On top of our bad luck, shops in the port towns seemed to only cater to tourism and sold mainly bathing suits and wraps. At this point, I was losing hope and even had dreams of my luggage magically appearing before me.

The worst part was that every morning, we would have to wait in our bathrobes so that our clothes (or lack there of) could be laundered. Everyday, we were told that our luggage would be at the next port town so we would frequently check our email to track them (which ended up being another large bill). Not to our surprise, they were never there!

On top of everything, we had no camera to document our trip since it was in our suitcases. The food was lousy, and my husband was bitten by bed-bugs and ultimately got sick when we got home with something called herpangina.

(Herpangina comes from fecal to oral contact.) I'm sorry if that was too much information, but I guess the maintenance staff must have been sleeping on the job. We didn’t even discover the bed bug bites until after we left the resort. It makes me itchy just thinking about the nights we spent on that bad. Gross!

Overall, We did try to make the best out of a VERY bad situation, but nothing will ever bring back our honeymoon! Maybe we can do honeymoon #2 but this time maybe we'll consider using a travel agent that knows what they're booking.

Sincerely,

Rebecca and John

Portland, OR

Befriending Strangers in Customs.

Dear Jen & Tom,

We went to Costa Rica expecting a relaxing honeymoon on the beautiful beaches. What we didn’t expect was the crazy adventure that actually happened. On the first day of our trip, we were invited by the cousin of a guy we met in the line at customs to go into a beautiful area of Costa Rica to visit some of the friends of his friend. It must have been the jet lag, because wandering off into the jungle to meet the friends of a friend of a cousin of a guy we just met sounded like a great idea.

At 5 am, Estefan and Dominga (the cousin and his wife) picked us up at our hotel the next morning. They were armed with machetes. Being in the jungle of Costa Rica, we weren’t phased when strangers came to pick us up wielding giant weapons. We stopped for breakfast at a little café around the entrance to the Braulio Carillo National Park. The views were amazing, but hard to enjoy when our hosts announced that “every day is a holiday” and chugged down four shots of guaro each…at 6:30 in the morning! Estefan brushed off our concerns by saying he would drive slowly, but we managed to wrestle the keys away from him.

The next stop was Guacimo, where they suggested we walk around and take in the sights while they “talked to some guys.” We wanted to follow them because the sights were not very promising but they were strangely persistent. We returned to the car just in time to see them stuff a old duffel bag in the trunk…..immediately we knew we were in the middle of a drug deal!!

It just got more disconcerting when they turned off the highway after Guacimo onto a tiny track through what seemed to be an endless banana plantation. We finally came to a river where a big man with a hollowed out canoe was waiting for us.

While thoughts of escape were racing through our heads, we followed Estefan’s and Dominga’s drunken tropical singing into the canoe. The big man exchanged greetings with the drunken drug dealers along with the suggestion they should sober up. As fans of Weeds, we knew that one should maintain their wits while carrying large amounts of drugs.

This became ever so present as Estefan accidentally fell on the duffle bag crushing…..our lunch? So it looks like we weren’t in the middle of a drug deal anyways. We had a fantastic lunch at the base of this amazing waterfall and made some great new friends. We won’t be forgetting Costa Rica anytime soon.

Love,
Jason & Bette

Dear Jason & Bette,

Somebody has been watching a little too much television. But have you seen 20/20? Bad things often befall people who get in cars with strangers. Props to you both for taking a chance and having a great adventure!

Love,
Jen & Tom

Beware of Wild Fruits

Dear Jen & Tom,
My wife and I just got back from an amazing honeymoon in Costa Rica. It was great but I can’t show off any of the pictures of me from the trip because I had a huge blister on my upper lip that looked like a herpes cold sore!!! I don’t have the virus, so I was a bit perplexed as to why it developed.

When Sue (my wife) and I were visiting the research station in Santa Rosa National Park, a biologist helped shed light on the matter. We were discussing rainforest fruits and I remembered eating a wild cashew.

The first day, Sue and I decided to bike from Naranjo to Santa Teresa. On the way, I spotted a cashew fruit. I had seen pictures of it before and I was taken by its unusual shap: egg sized smooth skinned orange lobe with what looks like a cashew nut sewn up in a dirty wrinkled leather pouch at the end. I picked one and wanted to break the leathery pouch to get to the nut….but it wouldn’t open! So, I decided to tear through the skin with my teeth, only to feel a searing pain on my lips and gums.

The biologist laughed at my story and told me I had bitten the wrong end. I should have eaten the warm orange fruit. The plant’s survival depends on the dispersal of the seed (in the leathery part). Therefore it is designed so animals to eat the fruit, then discard the seed. To make sure the animals don’t eat the seed, the leathery portion is coated in a cyanide solution!!! I was lucky just to get away with my blister!!

--Richard M.
Londonderry, NH

Dear Richard,
It sounds like someone never got past the oral stage of development. Do you always put everything in your mouth? But even a 2 year old would have realized the fleshy orange fruit was more appetizing than the seed!!! Actually, it doesn’t require human intelligence….a monkey knows the difference!! Next time, refrain from eating wild fruits in nature.

I’m glad you and your wife had an enjoyable stay in Costa Rica.

Love, Jen and Tom

Drunk in Ireland

Dear Jen and Tom,
Before our honeymoon my fiancé surprised me with a long weekend in Ireland. I am about a third Irish, but have never been. We were actually considering going for our honeymoon, but decided somewhere warm and on a beach would be a bit more romantic. I was so excited to go to a real Irish Pub! As soon as we got settled in at the Inn we headed over to a local Pub the girl at the desk suggested. It was only about a block away so we headed out. When we arrived, it was a very interesting crowd. Everyone was very nice, and VERY DRUNK! I couldn’t believe it. One drunk guy was hitting on me, but to my fiancé. He kept telling him how lucky he was, etc, etc. What I thought was going to be a romantic night out turned into a comedy skit of local Irish men. It was actually pretty funny and no one was offensive, but we were naive Americans in a roaring Irish Pub. We spent the remainder of the weekend in our suite and in the Inn’s garden. I'm not complaining though! Next time we’ll have to stick with the touristier route!

Best Wishes,
Fallon, Boston, MA

Teen-age Debungle in Italy

Dear Jen and Tom,
I decided to have a destination wedding in Italy. It is my second wedding, and John and I have 3 kids between the two of us. We only invited our close friends and family since we both are older and come from small families. His oldest child is 16 so we decided to allow her best friend, who is very close with our family to come along. The two of the girls went on a shopping excursion, only a few blocks from us, so they could feel like adults. Well there is a reason 16 year-olds are not adults yet. They were “just talking” to two, gorgeous Italian boys, and somehow misplaced their wallets and passports. I was furious, and terrified. I was scared that they were going to be kept in captivity or something barbaric of the sort until we could prove who they were. Luckily it was only a very big headache later before my hubby got everything settled and the girls were allowed to come home with us, all on the same plane. We did have to push the flights back, but that is nothing compared to what I had going on in my head!

Lots of Love,
Cynthia from Nevada

Dressing Sexy for the In-Laws

Dear Jen and Tom,
This isn’t horrific, unless you count family humiliation as a nation crisis! I am a very outgoing and opinionated woman, but only once you get to know me. My husband is from Texas but we live in Oregon so we don’t get to see his folks that often. This being said you can already assume that meeting the parents was a huge deal for me and I was my shy and awkward self the entire time. I still am now that I think of it. The specific moment I am thinking of is my wedding shower. My now mother-in-law got us the typical dinner china. She even went to the trouble to send me a scented candle and relaxing bath salts. However, at the bottom of the bag, I thought it was a silky bathrobe, however when I pulled it out in front of all of my family and friends I saw she got me VERY INTIMATE lingerie. How awful! It was an extra large, I wear medium! I was horrified! I didn’t know if it was serious or a bad joke. I still can’t get over the fact that a stranger, whether or not I was about to marry her son, got me such a humiliating present!

Better luck to you,
Julie, Portland OR

Ahhh--Chuuu

Dear Jen and Tom,
I have severe indoor allergies but hate taking medication. I do take medication when I need it, but I keep my home pretty tidy so it’s not that much of a hassle when I’m at home. My husband calls me a neat freak, but it’s more cleanliness I prefer. He would probably just die if he knew I was complaining about this, but this is truly a disaster story. On our honeymoon we went to the Swiss Alps. We stayed in a cozy little private cottage and we even went skiing on some smaller mountains most of the days of our trip. However, cottage is a word we typically associate with sweet, this however was not. It was so dusty and dirty I had a sneezing attack. The first night in my husband had to run out and get me some medication. It knocked me right out and he was left alone to watch the fire for hours until he could sleep! So much for romance! I had to request a cleaning crew to come in and totally de-allergen the entire place! It was horrible and I felt a little ridiculous but there was no way I could have survived that!

Love Always,
Cynthia, CO

Spring Break Clash

Dear Jen and Tom,

My husband and I thought we had the perfect honeymoon planned: beachside service, unlimited margaritas, privacy, you name it! We were so excited to finally be able to indulge and relax (it had been a while since we were last able to do so with the years of saving and planning). When we saw a friend’s picture from her vacation in Cancun, we were sold. The beautiful beaches, warm weather, and nice hotel seemed ideal for what we wanted. While we were greeted by the mariachi band and given our ‘welcome’ margaritas, so were the hundreds of college kids that had come for their spring break!

We decided to give it a chance. We went straight to the beach hoping to unwind and recuperate, but the beach looked like Times Square at New Years. Not only were the private cabanas booked for the whole week; there was barely room for our 2 towels on the hotels entire beach. There were Wet T-shirt Contests to my left, Beer Pong Tournaments to my right; it was honestly straight out of “Girls Gone Wild”. Being trampled by drunken college kids, getting alcohol thrown all over us, and having to watch a nearly unconscious girl puke into the hotel Jacuzzi was NOT the romantic honeymoon activities we envisioned. It was impossible to escape the debauchery!!

We decided to explore the city, in hopes of leaving the madness behind. We found a cute little traditional restaurant, off the beaten path, where we ran into another set of newlyweds. We shared our honeymoon nightmare with them. They rambled how wonderful and relaxing their resort was; and without a second thought we knew we had to make the switch! The moment we stepped into the Hacienda Tres Rios Resort, our trip took a 180. This resort was ideal for the perfect honeymoon; full of fun and romance. Our romantic activities NOW consisted of Jacuzzi baths surrounded by fresh flower petals and moonlight massages.

Although the trip ended on a high note, next time we won’t be so quick to jump the gun!

-Cathy G.
Butte, Montana

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Valentine's Day Memories

Dear Jen and Tom,
I've been thinking about Valentine’s Day recently because that’s all you see everywhere for the two weeks leading up to the 14th. I can’t help but giggle to myself every now and again when I see romance this time of the year. When my husband and I first got together, we were in Florida for grad school. He took me to the beach and tried to write I love you in the sand. But he wrote it too low and the tide had washed most of it off by the time we walked down. I made a joke at the “poor sap” who wrote that for his girlfriend or wife, not knowing it was meant for me. It was the first time we would have said the L word, taking the relationship to the next level. He was so nervous the rest of the night because he didn’t know how else he was going to tell me, or even if he should. I had helped him make a picnic, but he slipped in a love note when I wasn’t looking. It was sweet and revealed much of his heart. Each Valentine’s Day since, I take it out and read it during dinner. After dinner on the freezing beach, we walked back to the car. I don’t know how he did it but my present was sitting on my seat when I got back! I unwrapped it right there. Inside was a monkey wearing a collar. Charles calls me his little monkey. He wasn’t trying to say I'm on a tight leash now with the monkey’s collar. He was trying to say “I love you.” The collar was a gorgeous silver and diamond bracelet. He had the back engraved “Happy Valentine’s Day My Love.” Of course like any giddy school girl I had to question the “my love.” He then nervously told me that he loved me, right there in the beach parking lot. We now live in Colorado; each year we fly down to Florida for a couple of days right around Valentine’s Day to commemorate the cement where our love began.

With Love,
Abby

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Cruise Gone Bad, Bad, Worse

Dear Jen and Tom,

You are never going to believe what happened two years ago on our honeymoon. My husband Joe and I decided to take a cruise for 8 days after the wedding. We didn't know much about cruises but our friends gave us some tips and we landed on going around Africa. We had high but few expectations. Now, don't get me wrong, we did have an amazing time being together, however, from the booking to the unpacking and doing laundry once home again, everything was a disaster. Joe, being the accountant that he is, always likes to get the best deal he possibly can. So he decided to go on random websites for hours each night finding the "perfect" cruise. I didn't find out about his extensive search until recently. 

We got to the air port around 5 AM the morning after the wedding and conveniently our flight was over booked, which led to four hours of a little girl's stories, who was flying to visit daddy because mommy kicked him out (Great way to start a marriage, right?) Once we arrived on the ship we felt invincible. However, it didn't really look how we felt. I was fairly old and made creaking noises. I make jokes that I felt like I was on a pirate ship, not an elegant cruise. But I couldn't tell Joe because he was so proud of his great deal. Well the first night went smoothly, for a gigantic pirate ship. Then the bickering began. Fighting when we woke up, until deep into the night. It kept us up the majority of the cruise. We couldn't escape it; not at dinner, not at the pool, not even in the spa when we were apart. I'm not talking about Joe and I fighting. I'm talking about the others on this miserable divorcee cruise. It was horrible. Terrible. All the couples seemed to be seconds away from a divorce. The only thing Joe and I had were each other. The cruise was a complete mismatch. I felt like I was trapped in a bad comedy. 

But the misery didn't stop there. Joe could see I was miserable so he tried to spice things up. He got me a stuffed dog, dark chocolates, and some gorgeous flowers from the pitiful cruise souvenir shop. Then the old boat hit a wave and everything Joe had just bought me went, down, down, down. As I glanced over the side of the ship all I could see was the tiny dark pieces of happiness soak into the ocean. It was a small event, cheap chocolates, but to me it was the end of the world.

This next part is the icing on the cake. Wouldn't you know, as soon as all Joe's hard work hit the water, Mr. Rosengardner came stumbling up to me. He tried to put the moves on me, for the fifth time, completely ignoring the ring on my finger and the man on my arm. He spilt his gin and tonic all over my blouse. Then, of course, tried the oldest trick in the book- tried to pat me dry. Oh I wish you could have seen the look on Joe's face right before he clocked that old son of gun. All I remember next was a lot of pointing and more yelling. At the next port we were asked to leave the cruise. 

So, there we were, stuck in Africa with no hotel no idea what we were going to do. Luckily we found a nice hotel and settled down for the night. We found out the nearest airport was 28 miles away. This would be no problem if we were in southern California, or even anywhere that uses something other than donkey for travel. Can you imagine riding a donkey for 28 miles on your honeymoon? OUTRAGOUS! The bumps and smells were a close second and third favorite right after the pesky bugs. Needless to say, this June when we renew vows I did the research this time and came across AskAboutTravel. My travel agent, Amie was so helpful and I am completely confident that this time it will not end in a donkey ride to the airport.  

Love, 

Allison and Derek

Seattle, WA

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Relying on the Family "Travel Experts"

Dear Jen and Tom,

We were on our way to Maui for our honeymoon and on the flight out there we met this other couple on an anniversary trip. It turned out we had a lot in common we were both from a small town in Southern California called Temecula and both met our spouses at the Lake Elsinore Moto-X track. We also both had reservations at the Hyatt Regency Maui.

We got off the plane then went over to the baggage claim to pick up our matching Skin Industries duffle bags then headed over to the

Budget car rental stand to pick up our Ford F-150 because we heard Maui had some killer sand dunes. Apparently they had lost our reservation and were all out of other vehicles and had no way to get our hotel. But luckily a few minutes later our friends we just met from Temecula walked up to the counter and within minutes were given the keys to an F-150 that they had reserved through a travel agent.

We told them of our situation and they offered us a ride to the hotel but unfortunately we had to sit in the bed of the truck since the cab was only a two-seater. To make matters worse they got a little homesick and decided to take a dirt road for a portion of the trip to the hotel. When we got to the hotel our friends were checked in right away and got a gift basket that included embroidered BMX gloves from their travel agent who also got them a surprise room upgrade. We walked into the luxurious hotel covered in more dirt than a windy day in the 909. The staff looked at our appearance and immediately called security. It took nearly an hour for them to believe what had happened and that we were actually guests at the hotel. I should have listened to my bro D-Skillit and just used a travel agent."

Signed

Matt in Perris, CA

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When Sasquatch Attacks

Dear Jen and Tom,
We were honeymooning up in the Seattle area and out on a nature picnic. It was a beautiful day (one of the two days a year it doesn't rain in Seattle) and we hadpacked my favorite lunch, Taco Bell and a bottle of $2 wine from Trader Joe's. We found a nice little grassy knoll on which to sit and enjoy our delicious meal. We finished our food and continued drinking our wine. About the time we polished off the bottle we heard rustling in the shrubbery nearby.

Next thing we know we were starring down a huge creature. I just happened to loose a contact and couldn't quite make out what it was. From what I could make out it seemed to be a very large bear-like woodland creature. My husband jumped to the rescue and throws the empty bottle of wine at what we now figured was either a grizzly bear or Sasquatch himself.

My husband has never been a very skilled athlete so his throw was completely off line and managed to strike me in the back of the head. The next thing I know I was waking up back at the hotel with an icepack on my head reading a note from my husband saying he was at the post office sending the tape into 'When Animals Attack!'"

Sincerely,
Melissa in Scranton, PA

Honeymoons advice # 4592: Avoid Sasquatch on romantic picnics.

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Jellyfish Nightmare

Dear Jen and Tom,

My husband and I just recently got married and decided that for our honeymoon we would take a cruise to the Mexican Riviera. The first couple of days at sea were very eventful. We tried our hands at the slots, played a little mini golf and even climbed the rock wall! Our first port was Mazatlan andinstead of booking a shore excursion we talked to some of the locals and booked a little boat ride to a secluded beach with some of other couples. The beach had gorgeous white sand crystal clear blue water and best of all there weren't too many tourists at all. My husband and I decided to go snorkeling but after 10 minutes or so he was grabbing my arm and we were running to shore. I had no idea what was going on but apparently there were a bunch of clear jellyfish swimming in that area and it turned out my husband's arms were covered with jellyfish stings. Some of the locals told us to use lime juice for the stings and fortunately they had some on them. Thankfully they only lasted a couple of days and now we know the next time we go on a cruise we're booking the shore excursions through a travel agent.

Sincerely,

Beth and Sam

Boston, MA

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